Apparently I come across as a “been there, done that” type. For example, I would like to gain first-hand knowledge about a person or place, but apparently most others don’t think that way. My response now is to stay quiet and on the fringes of such conversations.

Traveler: Although this is not your intention, I fear that your contribution may come across to some as bragging. Travel is not accessible to everyone. Many travelers like to take back knowledge and stories, but those who missed the boat may not appreciate these souvenirs.

The next time you find yourself in one of these conversations, take the opportunity to ask the audience what excites or interests them about an individual or location. Let them talk about their own connection. It may not be as informed as yours, but that doesn’t make it any less valuable.

If you want to share that you have first-hand knowledge, make sure you respond to their story. Speak from your own enthusiasm, rather than your expertise. This makes the conversation a group of people talking about the wonders of the world, rather than one person seemingly giving a lecture, even if that is not your intention.

I sense in you a desire to tell your travel story. That is also what these people are trying to do. Take the opportunity to continue learning about exotic places even while you are here at home.

Dear Eric: When I was 16, over 50 years ago, I had a girlfriend who lived in a nearby town. One day I brought a joint of marijuana over to visit her. While her parents were away, we were smoking it in their garage. Suddenly we heard a car pull up and stop. Her father, a police officer, and her pastor came in.

That is, they were all the same person. Her father was the police chaplain. He smelled the smoke, took me to the police station and then to the bus station and told me never to come to their town again. I didn’t. I exchanged cards with the girl a few months later, but I didn’t get much out of it other than a vague sense of regret.

Now, 50 years later, I came across her name in the local newspaper and she is a judge!

I struggled with alcohol and drugs for a while in my youth, but at age 36 I got clean and sober — partly due to a deferred prosecution for a DUI — and I still am. I wondered if it would be appropriate to send her a message, let her know, and express the hope that the consequences of our mistake would not be too great for her and her family.

Amendments: Congratulations on your decades of sobriety. I’m glad you’ve found solutions that work for you and continue to have a positive impact on your life. I think your ex-girlfriend, the judge, would be happy about this too. An unexpected letter from someone from the past who doesn’t ask for anything can be a welcome, happy surprise.

Amends are not so much about changing what happened, but about improving the possibilities for the future. We do that by acknowledging the damage that was done and striving to repair what we can. So don’t be too hard on yourself for what happened. Maybe you’re thinking about the incident through the lens of all the other missteps in your past that have to do with substance abuse.

It wasn’t the best strategic choice to locate the case in her home, since she only had one criminal justice system. But as the years went by, it may have become a very important thought to you.

Telling her the next chapters of your story and making amends can have a positive and uplifting effect on both of you.

You hope that as a judge, she is familiar with the effectiveness of alternative sentencing for nonviolent drug offenses. In particular, the addiction treatment prescribed by drug courts, followed by monitoring, has been shown to have a recidivism rate 38 to 50 percent lower than prison sentences for drug offenses, according to the Stanford Network on Drug Policy.

Your story can help her put a different human face on the issue of substance abuse. It’s something she might come back to as she considers the law, the numbers, and the cases before her. Your story has the power to change many more lives than you know.

(Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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